Why?
by Indigoblak
Summary: Why? Why does it have to be him? Oneshot.


_Why…_

He'd fought with her – again. Something about the bots she had made to help him train. Out of the kindness of her heart… or the desperate desire to live in the years ahead. In her mind the cogs were spinning, new ideas crackled into life and were stored in her memory, even as he had continued to rant on about how 'primitive' the Earth's technology was. His words had gone in one ear and out the other, her thoughts too occupied on the project she had been working on when she'd been rudely interrupted by a certain Saiyan prince.

_Why has he come here?_

She'd made a terrifying discovery. Something that kept her from her sleep and drove her to this current numb existence. Her carefully schooled mind had managed to shut down most of her emotions and block out any distraction, but she still could not rid herself of the painful longing, and the terrible need.

_Why now?_

She was too lost in her own meanderings to notice the subtle shift in Vegeta's stance, the change of tone in his voice, or the focused glint in his eyes – things that almost never passed without her scrutiny. Only when a gloved hand grasped the front of her shirt did she realise how close he'd gotten, and how far she was from reality.

_Why does it have to be him?_

**First comes denial**

"You're not real." She half whispered, shaking her head slowly from side to side."You can't be. No." Her eyes were unfocused while her hands stayed limp at her sides, the fight or flight urge overridden by her near crazed state.

"This Vegeta in my mind doesn't exist. I made him up. He's not real. Not… real…"

Her head eventually stopped moving as her vision slowly focused. About a foot in front of her was a pair of familiar coal eyes that somehow seemed so foreign. The breath caught in her throat as they peered into her own, searching, and questioning.

_I don't love him. I don't. I DON'T. I DON'T!_

**Then, anger**

_No._

"Hit me. Tear the clothes from my body. Throw me against the wall. Hurt me. Do something! Help me to hate you." Her eyes dropped to stare at the little hollow of his throat. "Kami knows I've tried."

The hand clutching her shirt loosened its hold slightly before being violently wrenched away in disgust. Like a child, she squeezed her eyes shut, hoping that when they opened, somehow, he'd be gone. It hurt so much, knowing that she loved him and he thought - felt - nothing about her. Her eyes were watering and her chest was aching, but she had to do it. She had to go and do the one thing that she really shouldn't have. She had to love him.

"Why do you care?" His voice was like a shockwave through her body.

She couldn't understand it. Before, she had felt nothing but friendly concern for his wellbeing, had thought of him another one of the group. But then something in her had changed… She recalled the dream. The one she'd had just after the gravity room exploded. She could see herself scrambling desperately through the rubble, crying out his name. But only glazed eyes answered her from the chaos of blood and broken flesh. It was never far from her thoughts, the image seared into her memory.

"You died, you know. In my dream. You were just lying there, so cold." Her hand gripped the back of her chair as though her life depended on it. "I knew that with you gone, there was no point in living anymore. And that I… that I…" She realised she was crying and she hated herself for it. She wanted to be strong like him - for him.

_But she wasn't…_

**Then, self-pity.**

"I'm sorry." She half-whispered to his now retreating form, knowing full well he could hear her. "Your newest scars… It's my fault." Her eyes fell to the floor as dream image flashed through her memory. "I wasn't good enough. The gravity room wasn't good enough. I should have realised, I should have known – you were stronger than that. I…"

She could have sealed their fate! Without Vegeta, they would die. All of them. And it would have been her fault. "I… I almost killed us all!"

"Why? Why do you say that?"

Her eyes widened at his question. Never before had his voice been so… gentle. Wiping away her tears, she glanced up to see Vegeta standing in the doorway, his finger near the release button. She had this image memorised, the curve of his shoulders, and the line of his back. She'd seen the scars that marred his skin, yet shaped him into the man he was. They were his life etched into his flesh, a testament to the power and strength that he possessed, be it the workings of muscle and sinew or the melding of mind and spirit.

**Finally, acceptance.**

There were some things that she thought she could never say. But somehow she knew that the words would make themselves known when it was time. She watched as his arm dropped to his side and he turned, curious.

"We need you, Vegeta. Without you, our chances of survival are none. I don't know what I would have done if you had died. Thinking about it makes my heart… ache."

There was a moment when she thought she saw something flicker in his eyes, and she grasped at her chest almost unconsciously, hoping against hope that she wasn't about to make a huge mistake.

"I love you, Vegeta." She smiled. "Don't ask me why."


End file.
